Relationships are a beautiful, chaotic cocktail of emotions, compromises, and a whole lot of figuring out where to eat for dinner.
But one question seems to pop up more often than others: Is sex really that important in a relationship?
Let’s dive into this spicy topic, unpack the layers, and have a good laugh along the way.
Why Sex Matters in a Relationship?
First off, sex is everywhere. From rom-coms to that one friend who overshares (bless her heart), it’s hard to escape the idea that sex is the glue holding relationships together. But is it?
Picture this: you and your partner sitting on the couch, binge-watching your favorite show. Everything is great, but something feels… off.
That’s where sex comes in. It’s not just about the physical act; it’s about connection, intimacy, and keeping the spark alive.
When done with consent, enthusiasm, and mutual joy, sex can strengthen the bond you share with your partner.
Plus, it’s a built-in stress reliever. Who needs yoga when you’ve got chemistry in the bedroom?
But, let’s be real: sex isn’t everything. There are plenty of relationships thriving on emotional intimacy, shared goals, and matching Netflix tastes. Still, for many, a satisfying sex life helps deepen the connection.
However, relationships aren’t one size fits all. Some couples thrive on regular physical connection, while others prioritize different forms of intimacy.
Think of sex as a pizza topping. For some, it’s the pepperoni—essential. For others, it’s the pineapple—controversial but enjoyable. And for a few, it’s anchovies—meh, take it or leave it. The key is figuring out what works for your relationship.
Benefits of Sex in Relationships
Psychological Benefits of Sex
Sex isn’t just fun—it’s therapeutic! During sex, your brain releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin.
These little mood boosters can reduce stress, foster trust, and improve your mental wellbeing.
Ever notice how post sex conversations feel like a heart to heart on steroids?
That’s the oxytocin talking. And we love us some oxytocin. It’s often called the “cuddle hormone,” helping you feel closer and more connected to your partner.
Physical Benefits of Sex
Who knew your bedroom could double as a gym?
Sex burns calories, improves cardiovascular health, and even boosts your immune system. (but you should probably still go to the gym, sighhh)
Plus, it’s great for your skin—thank those happy hormones for that post romp glow!
Health Benefits of Having Sex
From better sleep to pain relief, sex is basically a magic pill without the pharmacy trip.
Regular sex is linked to lower blood pressure, a stronger immune system, and even a reduced risk of heart disease.
So, next time you need an excuse, just say, “It’s for my health, darling!”
What Do Redditors Say About How Important Sex is in a Relationship?
When asked what the importance of sex is for long term relationships on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the most important, this is what we found.
And as a bonus, we found some insightful (surprising, isn’t it?) comments among the Redditors:
“I guess I don’t really think of it in terms of numbers. Compatibility in that way is pretty important though and I think that sex often serves as a barometer for the relationship overall so it’s something I definitely pay attention to.” – SlightSaltyFemme
“I don’t think anyone thinks sex is the most important part. But for people who have a high sex drive it’s a big part of compatibility. It’s not fun for the person with the lower sex drive feeling pressured or like they aren’t good enough, and it’s not fun for the person with the higher sex drive to feel unwanted and physically unfulfilled.” – xain_the_idiot
“Sex isn’t the only reason I’d be with someone, obviously, but I need that physical connection otherwise distance can creep in…you didn’t have sex for a month…then two…then three…then you’re going to bed separately…then you haven’t seen each other for a while…” – elegant_pun
“I don’t think anyone should feel a sense of entitlement to determine how a relationship should work or what it should look like just because of what resonates with them personally. We are all individuals with different needs and desires, there is no need to enforce a standard. Your depiction of a relationship may be different, but doesn’t warrant more respect or validity as one just because it’s a general consensus.” – HalfSwimming4625
How Often Do Couples Have Sex?
Ah, the million dollar question: how often are couples actually getting it on? Is everyone else secretly starring in their own rom com while you’re over here Googling “normal relationship frequency”? Relax, girl—you’re not alone in wondering about this.
The truth is, just like one shade of lipstick doesn’t work for every girl, what works for you will be different from what works for others. However, studies show that the “average” married couple has sex about once a week.
Younger couples and those in the early stages of a relationship might be doing the horizontal tango more frequently, while long-term pairs might slow down to a few times a month—or even less.
Instagram influencers might make it seem like everyone else is having 50 Shades-level intimacy seven nights a week, but let’s be honest—sometimes, you’re just tired.
Between work, laundry, and debating whether you can microwave tea (you can, but should you?), sex might not always be top priority. And that’s okay!
Society’s obsession with a “perfect” sex life can create unnecessary pressure. Instead, focus on quality over quantity.
A memorable moment here and there can mean more than checking off a quota. And if you’re both too tired? Netflix and chill (literally chill) is also a valid bonding experience.
What If Your Sex Drives Don’t Match?
Ah, the classic conundrum: one partner wants to keep the spark alive 24/7, while the other is happy with an occasional flicker. This mismatch is more common than you think and doesn’t mean you’re incompatible.
Start by talking it out. Maybe the high-libido partner needs to understand that desire can wax and wane, and the lower-libido partner might need to explore ways to boost their interest. Compromise is the name of the game.
Also, don’t underestimate the power of a “scheduled” sex night. It might sound unromantic, but knowing when to expect some action can build anticipation and ease tension.
Here’s a break down of how couples rated their satisfaction (1 – least satisfied to 5 – most satisfied) with their sex lives (6% chose not to answer so it does not add up to a 100):
Causes of a Changing Sex Drive
Let’s talk libido—the mysterious, sometimes fickle friend that can be as unpredictable as a cat deciding whether to love you or ignore you. If you’ve noticed changes in your sex drive (or your partner’s), you’re not alone. Life has a way of throwing curveballs that can mess with desire, and understanding the “why” is the first step to navigating it.
Here’s a breakdown of some common culprits behind a changing sex drive:
Tips to Approach the Topic of Sex With Your Partner
Talking about sex with your partner can feel as nerve-wracking as asking for extra guac at Chipotle—awkward but so worth it.
Communication is the unsung hero of a great relationship, and yes, that includes the sexy stuff.
Here’s how to tackle the topic without turning it into an episode of a daytime soap opera.
- Pick the Right Time:
Timing is everything. Don’t bring up your sex life while your partner is trying to parallel park or during their favorite show’s finale.
Choose a calm, relaxed moment—bonus points if you’re both in a good mood.
- Pay Attention to Your Partner’s Reaction:
This isn’t a monologue; it’s a dialogue. Be prepared for your partner to feel surprised, vulnerable, or even defensive.
Listen to their feelings without interrupting or going full “but what about me?” mode. Empathy goes a long way.
- Take the Pressure Off:
Let them know this isn’t about blame or pointing fingers.
Framing the conversation as a team effort: “How can we make our intimacy better?” keeps the vibe supportive rather than confrontational.
- Be Playful:
Approach the topic with a sense of humor and light-heartedness.
A cheeky comment like, “So, remember when we used to be wild and spontaneous? Let’s bring that back!” can make the conversation less intimidating and even fun.
- Seek Professional Help:
Sometimes, you need a referee—or in this case, a trained professional. A counsellor can help you both feel heard and guide the conversation toward solutions.
Think of it as couples therapy but with extra credit for the bedroom.
- Bonus Tip: Don’t Overthink It
Your partner loves you, quirks and all. Being honest about your feelings, even if the words come out messy, is always better than avoiding the topic.
So, take a deep breath, speak from the heart, and let the sparks fly—both in conversation and the bedroom (or wherever you prefer to do it, you little minx).
Remember, a little vulnerability can lead to a lot of connection. You’ve got this!
Can a Relationship Last Without Sex?
Absolutely! Relationships are like snowflakes—no two are the same.
While sex can be a vital part of many partnerships, it’s not the end-all, be-all.
Some couples prioritize emotional intimacy, shared values, or intellectual stimulation over physical intimacy.
That said, the key to a lasting relationship without sex is communication.
If both partners are on the same page, a sexless relationship can flourish. But if one partner is yearning for more intimacy, trouble may be brewing.
Pam’s Thoughts: Do What Works for You
At the end of the day, relationships are about finding what makes you and your partner happy. There’s no “right” answer to how important sex is—it’s all about what feels fulfilling to both of you.
So, grab a glass of wine, have an honest chat with your partner, and remember: whether your love life is a slow burn or a roaring fire, what matters most is the warmth it brings to your life.
And hey, if all else fails, there’s always chocolate cake. 🍰
FAQs section:
Is Sex Necessary in a Relationship?
Not necessarily. Every relationship is unique, and the importance of sex depends on the individuals involved. For some, it’s a top priority. For others, it’s more like a bonus feature.
The real question is: what does your relationship need to thrive? Open communication is the key to figuring this out.
Can Lack of Sex Ruin a Relationship?
It can, but it doesn’t have to. A lack of sex often highlights deeper issues, like unresolved conflicts or mismatched expectations. Addressing these root causes can help you rebuild intimacy—both in and out of the bedroom.
What Is a Relationship Without Sex Called?
Relationships without sex are often called platonic partnerships or asexual relationships. While these terms might not fit every scenario, they highlight the idea that love isn’t always tied to physical intimacy.
Can a Sexless Marriage Survive?
A lack of sex isn’t inherently harmful, but it can lead to feelings of disconnection, frustration, or resentment if one partner is dissatisfied. Addressing these feelings openly and honestly is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship.
How Harmful Is a Sexless Marriage?
A lack of sex isn’t inherently harmful, but it can lead to feelings of disconnection, frustration, or resentment if one partner is dissatisfied. Addressing these feelings openly and honestly is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship.
